When I got home from Minnesota flush with having won a game of poker by mistake and having had great success at making scones, I decided to make Jim scones and tea, with Devon clotted cream. I looked everywhere on my side of town for the clotted cream and I was having no luck finding it. I headed down to Aptos to Deluxe Foods, an upscale grocery store. There I was, in the only store in town that sells clotted cream, and they were all out, none to be had.
I stood in front of the empty display thinking,
What kind of phenomenon is this?” I live in a town full of Vegans who won’t eat anything dairy, nobody admits to watching TV or eating red meat, the gyms are overflowing with thin people, fat in the diet is treated like salmonella in the chicken yet the one thing this chic store runs out of is clotted cream? I wish I could have seen the look on my face when I asked the store clerk how they could possibly be out of clotted cream. She smiled apologetically and said, “There are a lot of gourmet cooks here.” Well, I guess so. Or a whole lot of people who are lying about their eating habits.
In any case, my scones were a spectacular failure. I made my usual mistake when cooking at home, multi-tasking. I left the kitchen to work in my study and forgot that I had something in the oven. Jim smelled smoke and went to investigate. The scones were burned to a crisp. He must have been desperate for some little sweet because he said, “If the middle part is ok, we’ll just scoop it out and eat that.” So I served Guts of Scones with No Clotted Cream. I showed him a photo of my beautiful Minnesota scones to prove that I could do it right.